hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
