Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
