Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
