I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
