I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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