Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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