I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
