Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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