This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
