Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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