I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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