apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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