dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
