i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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