I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My life is pants optional.
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