I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
