I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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