Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize