i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
