So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
