paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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