Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
