Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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