thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
