I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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