he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
