I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
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So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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