Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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