hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
