I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
