her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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