instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
