Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
