Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
