Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just fell off a train. Bad.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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