this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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