I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
