My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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