Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
