I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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