Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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