the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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