i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
so much tequila, so little girl.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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