I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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