This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
