the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
