Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
