By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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