I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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