Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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