barbara walters just said penis...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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