never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
