I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She bit a glass in half.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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