After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
