i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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