remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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