Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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