sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
