awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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