she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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