part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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