Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
