put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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