you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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