I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
