Who did Billy Mays play for?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
