You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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